Words Burn

Tribal: Fix
What helps me dissociate from this tribal trap is remembering that everybody makes mistakes. And me not liking some people does not mean they don't have any important skill or viewpoint at all. I'm an individual before I'm a tribe. I don't have to like the person to agree with him, and I like the person doesn't mean I can't disagree with him.

Prideful: Fix
For this one, what I do is training to say "I don't know" in many situations, because that's usually the truth. I'm not an expert in everything. I'm prone to be led to believe in the wrong things. My source of information is not always reliable, because the source is always another human, like me.
And being okay with being pointed at, and being told "I told you so". Let that person tell me that. It's better to look like a fool for five minutes than to be a fool forever.
But I do wanna make sure that I don't tell people "I told you so" or point at them when they admit they're wrong. I had that problem of gloating on people their humble moment. I'll be silent and let them be, because when something you believe to be true turns out to be false in public, it's always hurtful. Why become somebody they'll resent for gloating, when I can be somebody they'll appreciate for backing off?

#small_words

Good morning!

Don't fear eyes judging you in public.

They're probably the same insecure cunts that you are.

When I learned about this thing just a while back, my eyes went wide, because I've never felt more shocked. Truly. ❗️

I sometimes find myself defending viewpoints, which I do not even know where I've gotten from.

I've noticed this happens to me when I feel tribal and prideful:

Tribal
This happens when a figure I admire does or say something that is false and wrong, and yet I defend them anyways. I defend them because I identify with their "tribe", what they stand for. And the deeply human part of me that wants to remain part of the tribe blinds me from even considering that the thing I'm defending is wrong. And I go on to die on a hill that I should let go of.
Not just that: when somebody who has a stance on life that's completely opposite to mine does something so right and good, I DENY that it is good. This tribal feeling is strangely strong and manipulative.

Prideful
I said something in the past that aligns with certain viewpoints, and because I don't wanna look bad by changing my stance, I stick to it, fight for it, trapped in my own sense of pride. Pride is a sin of the highest degree, and I can see why.
It stops me from admitting errors, and changing course, because that would mean they may point at me and laugh, or they may say, "See, I've been telling you from the beginning, and you didn't listen to me."

tbc...

#small_words

4. Uncertain and Okay
The reason I want the plan to be so perfect before I begin is because I want to be certain of the future. I wanna be certain that it will work. I don't want unseen things to hit me later on.

But that way of thinking is simply stupid. The future is way too unpredictable for me to make it predictable with my silly little planning. What a garbage goal to go after: perfecting the plan.

The more my plan is broad and deep, the more I'll be disappointed when I fail. Because I will fail, of course: it's my first time doing it.
What I should do instead is this:

a. Plan small
b. Implement the plan and fail quickly
c. Learn from the failures

The way I turn the uncertainty of the future to my advantage is EMBRACING the uncertainty, going forward to fail, and then adjusting the next try so that the failure won't be repeated.

The fastest way to learn is to start failing as soon as possible, in as many ways as possible, until a success shows up. Each failure is a clue for success, because I generally understand the margin of error (by how many degrees I missed the target).

🪶🪶🪶🪶🪶

COMPLETED

I don't care how much you love each other. Too much display of affection in public, I find it gross. I just do. Fight me.

And to not be a hypocrite, I too avoid too much display of affection in public. Love her in private. I don't need to see your longing gaze, brother; you look ridiculous.

My family looks up to me.

Ladies love me.

I'm burdened with responsibilities I may fail to carry.

Some people have deep hatred for me.

I feel alive.

2. Defining Why
This tool may be the best. Whatever the thing is I wanna start, I ask myself why I wanna do that thing, what I want to happen in the end. Then I'd write few items for why I'm doing it and select the top three items.
Why are the three items important? Because the very next question is: Do my preparation satisfy these top three items? If I start doing the thing, will it be somewhat achieving those three items? If yes, then no more preparation is needed.
The best lessons are learned after starting, not while planning.

3. Staying quiet
Sometimes what stops me from starting something is sharing the plan with people—doesn't matter if they're close. I get excited about the idea, and begin telling the ins and outs of the plan to another person.
This person may be close, and I may love them, but they are usually not an expert in what I tell them. And they usually have opinions about my plan, and whether the opinions are good or bad, it'll usually lead me to either modify the plan, which will take more time, or, for some reason, stop me in my tracks.
There's an immense sense of liberty in staying quiet about a plan.
When I plan, I get excited about how cool my way of thinking is. So because I know I get carried away, I tell myself, I dare you to be quiet about this, until you put this plan in motion, and only tell the people you love about the plan AFTER you succeed.
When I stop seeking help, or opinions, or approvals to my plan, I start earlier, I feel happier, and I succeed faster.

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Next Part Tomorrow

I don't get started quickly, because I'm in love with preparation!

Analyzing too much, thinking about it for so long that all the possible ways I'll fail will take shape in my head. Paralysis by analysis.

This thought pattern traps me because I think to myself, Well, I can't just do it. I need to be prepared for it.

But then when I start preparing for it, I can never have enough of preparing. I can never have enough of sorting things out.

There are few tools that helped me in battling this problem.

1. Freestyle
In writing, I have developed this way of warming up that I call Freestyle. What I do is just write sentences, in no order, to no particular end, for no specific reason. Now it first may seem pointless, but it's actually a very decent way of making the path reveal itself.
If I make a move, the next move makes itself manifest. If I write a garbage sentence, the next sentence will manifest itself, and it's usually a better one.
If I don't know where to start in Freestyle, I usually write that: I don't know what I could possibly write today.
Freestyle also lets me care less about the outcome, and that's important, because mostly I don't begin things for thinking they'd fail. In Freestyle, I don't care if I fail. It was never meant to succeed anyways.

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Next Part Tomorrow