I felt like I had the foundation of my personality figured out when I was 18. Back when I was here trying to make people feel understood. I was someone...I don't know for sure if I had just convinced myself that I had an identity but it felt good. I wasn't my ideal self yet or even close but believe me, that girl tried to achieve it all.
I didn't know people could be stuck in time. I feel left behind. I feel like everyone else is living in the present (even if it sucks) but I'm still in the beginning of 2020. You'd think I would have had time to process my thoughts since I was at home for 11 months cause of COVID, but I think that only pushed me further into the dark. I actually felt my personality dissolve day by day. And before I knew it, there was nothing left. For the past year or so I've felt like a shell of a person, if that. I don't understand life at all. I don't know where I am now, and I don't know where the hell I'm going. I feel it everyday but I'm usually busy or distracted.
Someone asked me recently who I was and I have been spiralling since then. I can't answer that question. I don't think most would have an answer at the tip of their tongue so I took time to think about it. I honestly don't know. You could ask me what my hobbies are, what I dream of when I think of my future, what I would do if I had an entire day off. I don't know all of that. That would be fine, but what scares me is that I could once write essays on those.
Maybe its the age? I wonder if this happens to people in their 20's. Quarter life crisis? 😂 I don't know.
Med school doesn't help either. Its the only structured thing in my life and it forces me to follow a schedule and grow as a person...but at the same time, it takes so much time and energy out of my life to the point where I'm too drained to think by the end of every exam. I'm just someone that studies everyday. That's not a person, you know.
I'm open to advice. Whether you're in this boat too, have been in the past, or just know what works. @suoicrep 😊
There's a few places that still make me feel like someone. Finding those friends that are just right for you is a blessing and as much as I complain to God about it all, I'm grateful for them, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
(Just another yearly rant. I hope yall are doing good)
💛
I didn't know people could be stuck in time. I feel left behind. I feel like everyone else is living in the present (even if it sucks) but I'm still in the beginning of 2020. You'd think I would have had time to process my thoughts since I was at home for 11 months cause of COVID, but I think that only pushed me further into the dark. I actually felt my personality dissolve day by day. And before I knew it, there was nothing left. For the past year or so I've felt like a shell of a person, if that. I don't understand life at all. I don't know where I am now, and I don't know where the hell I'm going. I feel it everyday but I'm usually busy or distracted.
Someone asked me recently who I was and I have been spiralling since then. I can't answer that question. I don't think most would have an answer at the tip of their tongue so I took time to think about it. I honestly don't know. You could ask me what my hobbies are, what I dream of when I think of my future, what I would do if I had an entire day off. I don't know all of that. That would be fine, but what scares me is that I could once write essays on those.
Maybe its the age? I wonder if this happens to people in their 20's. Quarter life crisis? 😂 I don't know.
Med school doesn't help either. Its the only structured thing in my life and it forces me to follow a schedule and grow as a person...but at the same time, it takes so much time and energy out of my life to the point where I'm too drained to think by the end of every exam. I'm just someone that studies everyday. That's not a person, you know.
I'm open to advice. Whether you're in this boat too, have been in the past, or just know what works. @suoicrep 😊
There's a few places that still make me feel like someone. Finding those friends that are just right for you is a blessing and as much as I complain to God about it all, I'm grateful for them, and I wouldn't trade them for the world.
(Just another yearly rant. I hope yall are doing good)
💛