i went to a children's park today. nothing has made me feel sadder in quite a while now. it's like i can sense the loss, more like, the lack, of a childhood in my own life as i watched the children. i was nothing like them. they're loud. they laugh. they have mothers who wipe their tears and patient fathers who teach them how to ride a bike. i had none of that. i was quiet as a tree, blending into the background like dirt. no one waited on me. i was barely ever picked up. i never learned how to ride a bicycle. where's my compensation for any of that? how do i get my childhood back? how do i heal from any of what happened which wasn't even my fault? how do i tolerate the person i have become?